4 years ago
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
An Important Discussion...
I just spent quite a bit of time commenting on a post on another blog, and want to direct you there. It is an important and interesting...and might I add, very honest....discussion of homosexuality and the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Two of Jon's fabulous, and strikingly attractive, siblings have started the discussion on their blog here. With a follow up here. It also provides interesting insight into the status of single people in the church. this is something that I very close to my heart and I encourage you to check it out!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Soul Searching...
Let's face it, I'm an open book. And this blog is really a personal journal, so here are some deep thoughts. I apologize if this is heavier than what you were looking for, but it is what's on my mind!
So in July I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. Overall, the experience was fine, not particularly emotional and I recovered well. So here is the story of my thought s since then.
I have struggled a lot with not being able to have any more children. When this happened I was pregnant and praying for twins. Incidentally, a couple of doctors think I probably was pregnant with twins...one in utero and one ectopic, but that is another story (interesting how prayers are answered!). Clearly, I still wanted more children. So when I was faced with emergency surgery Jon and I both, independently, had the feeling that we should have the doctor do a tubal ligation on the other side as well. It really felt like the right thing to do, so we did. No more babies.
Fast forward a couple of months and now I'm wondering if it was really the right thing to do, or just one option that was all right for us if that is what we chose. I mean, did I just choose to end having children when I didn't have to??? That was when a close friend stepped in and pointed out to me that having the ligation done was clearly a prompting, as I would have never thought that was a good idea on my own. As soon as she said this I knew she was right. That was not a choice I would have made on my own, and I believe it really is the choice Heavenly Father wanted me to make. It made sense to me. Frankly, when Heavenly Father wants me to stop taking a particular course He makes it VERY clear. A life-threatening ruptured ectopic is pretty clear.
So now what? I know I made the right choice and I am not going to have any more kids. So is that the end? I still want a big family! I still have a hard time imagining that this is it! I know 5 kids seems insanely large to many of you, but it feels on the small side to me. So I have been obsessing about other thoughts. I know I am not supposed to birth anymore children. Should we consider adoption? How about foster care? I've just been desperately trying to figure out why this is the right thing and how we are supposed to move forward. Enter close friend one more time.
One day I was chatting with the same close friend and she expressed how much more she enjoys being a mother as her children get older. She said something to the effect of, "And you are really going to love it, because you even like it now!" That's when it hit me. I really don't enjoy mothering the older children nearly as much as the babies. I could spend the entire day caring for the babies and toddlers to the exclusion of the older children. Heavenly Father needs me to learn to care for these kids I have been blessed with, with the same love and energy that I did when they were babies. And frankly, I have limits. I know, we all do. But I seem to be more limited than others! I get frustrated easily, have a temper, and have a hard time keeping motivated and on track. Therefore, when I have to choose where to place my focus and energy, it generally goes to the little ones.
So it is finally becoming clear to me. This is the family that I have, and I am so blessed to have them. It is time for me to move on to the next stage of this family. It gives me peace to know that this is the right thing for our family, even though I'm still crying buckets as I sit here wthisriting . It's time for me to stop mourning and learn to embrace this new and exciting time in our lives! It's going to be great!
P.S. I really do love all of my kids. I just really enjoy babies. What can I say?
So in July I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. Overall, the experience was fine, not particularly emotional and I recovered well. So here is the story of my thought s since then.
I have struggled a lot with not being able to have any more children. When this happened I was pregnant and praying for twins. Incidentally, a couple of doctors think I probably was pregnant with twins...one in utero and one ectopic, but that is another story (interesting how prayers are answered!). Clearly, I still wanted more children. So when I was faced with emergency surgery Jon and I both, independently, had the feeling that we should have the doctor do a tubal ligation on the other side as well. It really felt like the right thing to do, so we did. No more babies.
Fast forward a couple of months and now I'm wondering if it was really the right thing to do, or just one option that was all right for us if that is what we chose. I mean, did I just choose to end having children when I didn't have to??? That was when a close friend stepped in and pointed out to me that having the ligation done was clearly a prompting, as I would have never thought that was a good idea on my own. As soon as she said this I knew she was right. That was not a choice I would have made on my own, and I believe it really is the choice Heavenly Father wanted me to make. It made sense to me. Frankly, when Heavenly Father wants me to stop taking a particular course He makes it VERY clear. A life-threatening ruptured ectopic is pretty clear.
So now what? I know I made the right choice and I am not going to have any more kids. So is that the end? I still want a big family! I still have a hard time imagining that this is it! I know 5 kids seems insanely large to many of you, but it feels on the small side to me. So I have been obsessing about other thoughts. I know I am not supposed to birth anymore children. Should we consider adoption? How about foster care? I've just been desperately trying to figure out why this is the right thing and how we are supposed to move forward. Enter close friend one more time.
One day I was chatting with the same close friend and she expressed how much more she enjoys being a mother as her children get older. She said something to the effect of, "And you are really going to love it, because you even like it now!" That's when it hit me. I really don't enjoy mothering the older children nearly as much as the babies. I could spend the entire day caring for the babies and toddlers to the exclusion of the older children. Heavenly Father needs me to learn to care for these kids I have been blessed with, with the same love and energy that I did when they were babies. And frankly, I have limits. I know, we all do. But I seem to be more limited than others! I get frustrated easily, have a temper, and have a hard time keeping motivated and on track. Therefore, when I have to choose where to place my focus and energy, it generally goes to the little ones.
So it is finally becoming clear to me. This is the family that I have, and I am so blessed to have them. It is time for me to move on to the next stage of this family. It gives me peace to know that this is the right thing for our family, even though I'm still crying buckets as I sit here wthisriting . It's time for me to stop mourning and learn to embrace this new and exciting time in our lives! It's going to be great!
P.S. I really do love all of my kids. I just really enjoy babies. What can I say?
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Master Neu
HE DID IT!!! After many years, a lot of late nights and weekends, and more projects than he cares to remember, Jon has finally earned his MBA and is done with school. Forever. And ever. Never to go back again, if I have anything to say about it...and I think I do. As much as I loath graduation ceremonies...let's face it, they are painful... the Hooding Ceremony was a lovely bit of closure for all the time and effort.Now as it turns out nursing is a pretty sweet gig. So, no immediate plans to look for a new job just yet. I am really looking forward to having Jon home at 3:30 everyday with nothing hanging over his head. Ohhhh the honey-do list I have compiled over the last 2 1/2 years!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
For YOU!!!
I won!! I won!! And now it's YOUR turn to win!!! I ran across this very fun little "contest" on my friend Lindsey's blog, and I WON!! So now I'm paying it forward. Check out the rules and leave a comment!
{The Rules}
{The Rules}
--Be one of the first three bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me.
--Winners must post this challenge on your blog, meaning that you will Pay It Forward, creating a handmade gift for the first three bloggers who leave a comment on YOUR post about this giveaway!
--The gift that you send to your Three Friends can be from any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift and have shipped your gifts. And, remember: It’s the Spirit and the Thought That Count!
--When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing appropriate Linky Love!
If you are not one of the Top Three Commenters on this post, you can still play along. Please take the button and post it on your blog; start your own Pay It Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Conversation with Bits
A couple of days ago Elizabeth asked, "Mom, what happens when you have too much throw-up in you?"I replied, "It comes out."
Then Bits informed me, "Yeah, and you turn into an ogre."
It was all very matter of fact. Who knew?
P.S. Elizabeth and Bits are the same person.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Merry Christmas!
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